ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli.

If My Dog Could Talk

Dog: WAT DOING
Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
Dog: WHERE GO
Me: I'm literally walking 3 feet away. I'm not even leaving the room.
Dog: CAN I COME
Me: I mean sure but I'm literally just-
Dog: I COME TOO
Dog: WAT DOING
Me: I need to open this door.
Dog: I HALP
Me: No but you're in front of the door. Move please.
Dog: I HALP
Me: Sigh.
Dog: WHERE GOING
Me: I am going right back to the exact place I was sitting a second ago.
Dog: CAN I COME
Me: Sure.
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Me: No please don't you are-
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Me: No there's no room and-
Dog: LAP
Me: No, sit on the floor and I'll pet you.
Dog: RIGHT HERE
Me: That's literally on top of my leg.
Dog: IT'S PERFECT PET ME
Me: I am petting you. One second, let me just grab my glass-
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
Me: I literally am petting you, I just needed a drink-
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
Me: I AM
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME
Dog: HOLD SLOBBER TOY
Dog: SNEEZE IN UR FACE
Me: .......

julianocasabranca:

FUN STORY: my grandma lives in a city that was currently taken over by drug dealers and gangs and it’s now divided in two and my grandma is the oNLY CITIZEN IN THE WHOLE CITY who can go walking freely through both sides of the town because she used to do community work and feed the poor kids and those gang members were all fed by her so they let her come and go as she wants SO WHAT WE LEARN TODAY IS TO BE FUCKING NICE TO KIDS BC U MIGHT BE DEALING W FUTURE GANG MEMBERS

beammeupsc0ttie:

Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong wrote this about his father, who died of cancer on September 1st, 1982. At his father’s funeral, Billie cried, ran home and locked himself in his room. When his mother got home and knocked on the door to Billie’s room, Billie simply said, “Wake me up when September ends.”

beammeupsc0ttie:

Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong wrote this about his father, who died of cancer on September 1st, 1982. At his father’s funeral, Billie cried, ran home and locked himself in his room. When his mother got home and knocked on the door to Billie’s room, Billie simply said, “Wake me up when September ends.”

jakethenicholas:

Person: “What type of music do you listen to?”

Me: 

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ioweyouasoul:

LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS

SEE THIS WEBSITE? 

ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA

THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE. 

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN” 

image

AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER 

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT 

HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?

image

HOLY SHIT

OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND

image

WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

squidwardofficial:

waking up your friend the morning after a sleepover like

image

 
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